Live and Find Joy...

I guess one only feels like they can only post on their blog when life is smooth and one appears with their best foot forward so to speak...but sometimes life just does not cooperate. Some people seemingly have an easier time than others but I realize that is only on the surface in most cases. So I post this morning in the midst of choppy waters, approaching storms, and maybe some calm after the storm...




There is always the clean, calm that appears after a storm. I just need to climb on, embracing what is, and see where I end up.


I am tired,mostly emotionally but physically as well. I finished the Spring semester well but exhausted, then turned around and registered for Summer sessions, both of them to take the two out of four art history classes I need to take. Not exactly drawing and painting or generally making art... No, quite the opposite...massive reading, quizzes, midterms, finals, papers, all times two. It is pretty intense because these are classes meant to run 16 weeks of a regular term and it is being squeezed into 6 weeks which leaves me no time for anything. Yet, I am enjoying what I am learning in spite of myself. It is answering some questions as well as confirming some thoughts I have had. I am still amazed that prehistoric people had the drive to make art...of course it was not art at the time but rather a recording of life and artifacts that were made as functional objects, yet I am awed by it. I wonder what they were thinking as they were drawing on the cave walls. Actually they put charcoal in their mouths along with water and saliva, chewed to mix and sprayed...can you imagine us in a class, spraying...sorry, I digress. Just amazing, the creative drive has always been a part of our DNA it appears. Some of the drawings of the animals are quite accurate. One can tell the power of observation was at play as well as memory.

Sometimes I get pretty discouraged, not a hard thing for me anyway. This is different though...I get differing responses from people and some of them sting. I have a degree so the question arises, why do this again? I explain and the blank look is still there. I really am not 'doing this again' because I am 'only' ( I jest ) have to do the art requirements, 51 credits plus some, but I am not at that place yet...I would like to work for a BFA which is a professional degree and used for going on...but I do not want to get ahead of myself. Suffice it to say I can't get there from here unless I do what I am doing. A BA in psychology won't do it for me. But then there are the friends and family who do hold me up and push me forward. Who understand I can't be in two places at once. Who don't care what my plan is but rather they just know it is very important to me. I can say to them what the hell am I doing? And I have those days where I ask that question. But then you have a friend that answers that question with a few words that can make all the difference.

"The studying really sounds grueling, but I would definitely stick with it. In the end, I'm certain it will open up new opportunities that you don't have now. Who cares what other people say or think. They are not you! Those off-handed comments can be defeating, I know, but we just need to ignore them"

...and ignore I try. Thank you my friend...

So onward to reading a few more hundred pages this week...on tap for this week are Jewish, Early Christian and Byzantine Art, Islamic Art, and Art of South and Southeast Asia before 1200. Three chapters a week on average...studying for tests weekly and the paper that needs to be written...This session is finished August 13. Need a break.

Then 2 weeks of some errands and orientation as I have been accepted into the college officially as a Second Degree Student...I need to get near the water and put my feet in, after all this is the Ocean State. You can not live here and not do that...it's a rule.

All of this seems all the more poignant to me today. Life is fragile and goes by with the blink of an eye...My brother in law was removed from life support this past week end. His sons wanted him surrounded by family as he slipped away so we stood there with him...I still have not processed this yet...He had back surgery, developed pneumonia and mercer and just never came back. Two of my children were with us as my husband said what he need to say to his older brother who was a father figure of sorts. They had been estranged... as families some times tend to do, fractured and split. Unfortunately we are both from such families...Hard.

This photo of my youngest daughter on here third birthday with her cousin, Steven, three weeks older than her twirling joyfully and just having fun on a day when we were all together. Steven lost his dad Sunday...





So all this to say Live and find Joy...live your life on your terms and work on those relationships...family and friends. Some of those friends are your family I know in my case they are.

Rest in Peace, Bobby...


Thanks for reading. Have a blessed day.

Grateful Days

Happy Birthday Cheryl!


Today is my daughter's birthday. I remember the first moment I held her. She would not be happy if I said how long ago, but as I did earlier this year, she too has had a major decade change...I still feel that same deep love today as then, when I hug her. But these days I hold her, and do not want to let go... June 13 she passed out while driving, her car flipped over and crashed in to a parked car( no one was in the other vehicle)...I was called to the hospital and was told she had had a brain bleed, which caused her pass out. I feared for her life. After further tests she was diagnosed with AVM.
We are still in the thick of it, and will be for a while. There is no such thing as a quick fix in this situation. But what is important is my daughter celebrated her life today! She is here with us. Her life and my grandsons life is upside down, she can not be alone, her car is gone, life is changed, her routine is upset, which she finds confusing. Her memory has gaps in it, sometimes words are hard to grab...But she is here...She has some treatments that are less than appealing for her to think about that will be coming up and still recouping, but she blew out her candles tonight.
I tell anyone who will listen to me, life is short. It can change in an instant. We are quite cognizant that this could have turned out very differently. But today, her birthday, we spent the afternoon together, on my deck, alone, just quietly talking or me listening, thankfully listening to this wonderful young woman. Thankful for her very life, thankful I could hold her in my heart and listen to her fears, her hopes and her thoughts about this new fork in her road.


I took her to one of her favorite spots to walk and just be, Meshanticut Lake, the other day. We took our time and we sat. She told me she thought this was the best view. So I took it, enlarged it and framed it. Now she has it to look at whenever.

There is allot more to say but for now this will do. I can write about her, the range of our emotions, fear, and the incredible kindness of everyone we know and some we don't know. Yes, I should like to say more about all of that. The funny thing is, and there is always a funny thing with me, it keeps me going. But when I began this blog she would ask me, when are you going to put me in your blog...Well, here she is, meet Cheryl.

Thanks for reading and have a great day. Prayer and good thoughts are welcome