New Paths

I decided a few weeks ago to take a couple of classes. At the start of every semester I agonize over registering but get over whelmed by the enormity ( in my head ) of the task. So I usually let the beginning of classes pass by and I tuck it back into the far edge of my brain, in the area of things I really would like to do, but usually just ignore. Take them out occasionally, look them over, dust them off and return them to the someday shelf...I have a degree, I am very thankful that I have it, but the major I chose never excited me, fed my imagination or was part of a larger passion. I earned it while raising five teenagers and all of their collective angst and as well as my own...

Fast forward to this past fall where sometimes the sadness was so overwhelming that I could not move. Those teenagers are adults moving into their own directions. I came across a program on PBS that I wrote about before, Unstuck, with Dr. James S. Gordon. I proceeded to get his book. The first sentence in the Preface read as follows,"...the end point of a pathological process. It is a sign that our lives are out of balance, that we're stuck. It's a wake up call and the start of a journey that can help us become whole and happy, a journey that can change and transform our lives." Well, I thought, that sounds hopeful. But something in the first chapter spoke to me, very loudly in fact..."calls us to question aspects of our personality, of our ways of looking at ourselves and the world that may themselves be the problem...is there something that needs to change?. adjustments in how we think...it tells us we are on the wrong path.Over time, this second note becomes more and more insistent..." These few thoughts kept rolling around, in the backdrop of all that I was doing in a day or I should say, not doing... is there something that needs to change...that question alone was paramount.



So a few weeks ago I mustered the courage and in the pouring rain ( love rain ) I ventured to a local college and began a new journey, asking questions, directions, and the learning curve began. Last time I did this, one registered for classes in person, pretty straight forward. Now one has to register for a password and ID name and go home and register on line. Then one learns to play computer tag and keep checking the classes in question that are full and wait for people to begin to drop and one then immediately sign in and registers...so both of the classes I needed were full but I learned this little gem and registered 2 hours before my first class and then the next one I needed opened... 1 spot and I was in! And I am off on a new journey. I am beginning to answer for myself the question, what needs to change. I get tired and discouraged. sometimes. My brain is fighting the new information and in some cases I am starting over with drawing being in Drawing 1...quite the phenomena actually. I took these beginning drawing classes years ago but they have to be less then ten years in order for them to count for what I may do...So for now I am starting to work through what is known as Art Foundation classes, a series of drawing, design, and art history classes. I have some thoughts about where I would like to go... but for now a day at a time, a class at a time. But as tired and frustrated as I get, as soon as I get to class and settle down and begin to work I think how happy I am to be there, so very stinken happy, you have no idea, then maybe you do...I have 12 hours of actually class time and in theory we are told 12 hours of homework time. So it is beginning to impact my life in some ways but it is new and I am still trying to work it out and find my way through this so that I can do some more regular weaving and maybe actually paint...ha ha. Again, day at a time...I noticed in the picture of the girls below, their bed needs some serious repair...they are so sweet. One thing to add to
my long list of things to do.


The picture with the papers on the floor just about put me over the edge...the beginning of perspective drawing. Drawing those flat pieces of paper so the do not look like they are floating but actually on a floor. We all had to redo it...thank God I was not the only one that did not do it successfully. There is comfort in numbers...

I just finished the assignment for tonights class. I draw intuitively along with checking for angles and accuracy but perspective drawing has taxed me...so my left and right brain have been in a struggle and taking me along for the fight...I know this is normal, still none the less, disconcerting. I know I am learning because that is really what the fight and the frustration is...so I take comfort in that...so we will see where this all leads me. I read a quote somewhere and it visits me occasionally...it is not the things accomplished we think about at the end of our lives, it is the things we wanted to do and didn't that tend to haunt us...hmmm. So I hope you will follow me along on this new path.

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody."
1 Thessalonians 4:11


I also have been taking a 4 week tapestry class with Jan Austin, a local tapestry artist of 25 years. She is also a member of the Weavers Guild of RI which is how we met. She knew of my interest in tapestry and invited me to take her class in her wonderful studio. We have one more week left. I would love to continue with her but my budget at this point is not impressed with my art pursuits. But I can continue on my own and just keep working at it. It is all good...

Have a great day and thanks for reading. Peace.

The Real Soggy Bottom Boys, Man Of Constant Sorrow

No Rest For the Weary...

Yeah, now there's an attractive picture. Last night came home from a meeting and just needed to throw myself on my bed and watch a movie, eat some popcorn and escape for an hour or so with Under The Tuscan Sun...I have been working hard physically and emotionally on many things and was just spent...but alas, it was not to be. Something caught my attention in the corner of my bedroom, so I pulled my bed away from the wall to get a closer look, which meant my bookshelf needed to be moved, which of course meant my books had to be moved.


Mold, mildew all along the baseboard. The floor was wet, beads of water were on the baseboard. I could have just cried right there. This house has been nothing but stress and unhappiness on so many levels...Constant mold issues.



Clean up one area ( basement in September) then something else crops up in another area. We have absolutely no idea why this is happening. So obviously at 9:30 PM, I was moving things out of the room so I could work and spray the mold with bleach and wash it down.

It is no wonder why I feel like I get nothing done and I am always behind because I am always doing things like this, not to mention I have been sleeping with that stuff right under my head for I don't know how long. Discouraging...very disheartening. The background music for this post should be Man of Constant Sorrows.

Then when I can finally sit two hours later... I finally put the movie in and decided to knit a little and try to relax. So I began to knit, with the bed in the middle of the floor, my books everywhere, oh what the heck... everything was everywhere...but knit I did. The movie ended with me wishing I was in Provence with Francis and the sunflowers...Then I looked down at my nearly finished sleeve with satisfaction thinking I might actually get to wear this soon, just a few more rows to go...wait a minute, what is this? That does not look right...where is that chart. My brain for the second time last night went into overdrive...Then I saw it, I had knit the whole sleeve incorrectly right from the beginning. I thought what to do, what to do...I was not going to start over but I knew me well enough that I would not be OK leaving the mistake...so there was nothing left to do but rip back the offending stitches, that would be twelve times 19 inches. I am going to re-knit that area, annoying but better than starting over. Ah, so disappointing...This is what it was suppose to look like...

Instead this is what I am dealing with.



This evening we checked my Grand-daughters bedroom and the same mold and mildew problems are all along the molding and the floor as well as it all wet. We have no idea what we are dealing with. So more bleach...

I made myself a big pot of Minestrone to drown my sorrows...


Thanks for reading. Peace.

Trying to do the right things...

The three days of snow, bitter cold, and wind seem to be over. It is sunny out there and looks to be pretty calm. I did not let the weather stop me though this weekend hearty soul that I am...proud New Englander...ha ha. Went to meetings on Friday and Sunday night and a great Fortieth Party for Sarah on Saturday night, for women only. It was fun. Lot's of food, wine, conversation, music and ambiance with the background music and lighting. While there was a snowstorm mixed with ice going on around us outside we were warm and cozy inside enjoying each other and the evening, a respite from the seriousness of life. We all need that...I know I certainly did and I traveled very slowly through ice and snow to get there and celebrate with my friends Sarah's life and evidently the the others did as well. Happy Birthday, Sarah and thank you for a wonderful party.



Yesterday I awoke to more snow and cold with a beautiful Payne's Grey sky...I ate breakfast, wrote my morning pages ( which I had let lapse) and decided on a walk rather than church this morning... reevaluating many things these days...so for this morning I attended the service of the snow, in the cathedral of the trees and I came home after an hour more refreshed than any, and I mean any service has ever left me. I communed with my Maker in His creation of which I am a part of. I walked through the empty streets nearly whited out basked in the quiet and I loved it...reminded me that I used to do the very same thing as a child. I thought and prayed for peace for me, for my family and for the world...We all carry so much brokenness...I know I do and that is all I can speak to. But that brokenness spreads from me like a pebble in a pond...



Then back home...to more of this. Spoke to my 80 year old Uncle yesterday...he was on his way out to shovel. Thank you, Uncle, for blazing a path for us that are behind you...learning that one does not stop until they stop, if you know what I mean. I've had some good role models on both sides of my family who I have learned this from.


I am happy to write that I am winding a warp for a shawl made of wool and llama that I had spun years ago. The tapestry loom is ready. My sweater is quickly nearing completion. It is all good...


As I write this I am listening to Yann Tiersen on Pandora who is an amazing French composer of many wonderful movie scores and music in his own right. Find him and enjoy...

I leave you with a quote that kind of speaks to where I am right now...Her writings usually leave me kind of awed that someone can actually put to words some of the things I think and feel.

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. -Anne Lamott


Have a great day...and thanks for reading. And I do enjoy comments...Peace

Thoughtful... On This First Day of the New Year

The first day of a new year I find I like to be alone and quietly working things out...in today's case I showered, knit, watched movies , made vegetable soup, some cabbage and beans, walked my dog and made it to a meeting I need to attend more frequently than I have been, note to self. My husband slept the day away and my granddaughter was away for the weekend. What was really happening, while doing all of those quiet things, was thinking...I thought about things I am concerned about, all that is on my many plates, and thinking about the awarenesses that have come up this week and have been journaling and praying. I have realized many things are just not working for me any more...maybe they really never did. So I look at today as how I feel each morning, it's all new, wide open to possibilities, full of potential. Of course by noon on a daily basis...I am ready to hit the skids...but we will see. Came across a program on PBS called Unstuck and after watching I was able to get a hold of the book by the same title. Half read but the kind of book one would want to work through. Lot's of good information, healthy, helpful and encouraging for some one with a well, let's see, like me who seems to be under a big black cloud most of the time...Funny thing is, I really love stormy skies, the bigger and blacker the clouds the better.
.
I have cleaned and organized my studio so it is more workable. I hope to get a warp on the floor loom and also get back to teaching myself on my tapestry loom. I am no longer in this room, but love this photo of Milo and I weaving. I miss weaving and Milo...it has been a difficult year...I need to return to the things that gave me solace. More painting and drawing on a regular basis...get the ideas out of my head and onto the paper.

I am almost finished with my Aran sweater, doing the final decreases of the last sleeve! No more pictures until it is off the needles and finished. The plan is to empty the bags with half finished projects and to get serious about some other things. Things came and went this past year, and I was not ready for a variety of reasons...but maybe this year.

I will end with these few lines from one of my favorite poets...I seem to fall upon it a lot lately. So maybe I need to answer the question that the poet poses to us...the question to be asked on this first day of the new year is...

...how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,

which is what I have been doing all day.

Tell me, what else should I have done?

Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your wild and precious life?

from The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

Thirty Thousand...

A very off day...I can barely talk, feel like I should go hibernate...just sleep until Spring. I can not get out of my own way. A combination of things...

The President's call for 30,000 more troops for Afghanistan this evening didn't boost my mood any...I have a 23 year old Grandson who will be among that 30,000...I almost felt like I was listening to George Bush. Oh well, too late for any of that. All I can do is love and support him and my daughter. He made it known he really liked Magic Cookie Bars on Thanksgiving Day...so guess what I will be shipping. Pray for them all...

Thanks for reading. Peace.

I Did It!

This makes my thirtieth post during the month of November. I can't quite believe that I did it. I have only posted twice this year. There were times this month where I thought, I just have nothing to say, but I had challenged myself to do this so quitting, for me was not an option, though I thought about it... But each night that I completed a post I felt strangely satisfied...so who knows. I hope to continue...

I was looking through my copy of Stillmeadow Calendar by Gladys Taber. I have quite a few of her books, and I usually like to pick one from the bookshelf at this time of year and reread her descriptions of her life in the country with her friend and her dogs. It occurred to me as I was looking at the writings for the month of November that they are like little 'blog' postings. This book was published in 1967 so how one felt or how one saw their life in relation to everything else had to be written out in long hand in a diary or pad of paper or of course use a typewriter...sometimes others read it but usually not unless it was meant to be published. Now we blog and the world can read what we are writing...almost instantaneously. What would Gladys think?

The photo is what is left of the flower garden...for just a time, it will be back.

Have a good evening. Thanks for reading. Peace.