Thirty Paintings-Day 12

In sticking with the ordinary I have an egg every morning, a poached egg between two pieces of whole grain toast with my second mug of coffee.  It is my favorite time of the day,  where the day is still fresh and before me.  Anything is still possible...

                                                               Remains of the Morning
                                                                6"x6", canvas panel

Thirty Paintings-Day 11

This is not a successful painting but the idea is to get in the studio and work.  That I did but today was not my day.  I was distracted with errands, phone calls, and visits. I also was hit with multiple waves of grief which can stop me in my tracks and it did.  But I can be obsessive in that this is a challenge for thirty paintings and I am going for the thirty.  This one was a disappointment after a few days of a roll if you will.  I painted and wiped off a number of times.  Also was not happy with my support but was out of  6"x6" panels.  The surface on this one should have been sanded.  But it is as finished as much as I want it to be at this point.  Not sure what the deal was or maybe it was a little of everything.  So today's success was that I worked in the studio a few hours and I in fact painted, though frustrated.

                                                                    Orange Slice
                                                                     0il, 6"x6"masonite

Thirty Paintings-Day 10

Finding the ordinary is not easy.  I am still struggling with what to paint but pushing on.  Maybe it really does not matter...maybe its in how I push the paint, grabbing the values along the way that is the important thing.  Maybe nothing else matters.  But the best thing is I am working everyday, sometimes in my studio all day or maybe into the evening.  Though frustrated, as painting is hard, but I am present.  The pain of missing Richard is there but quiet as I make myself get into the moment and work.  In any case my offering...

                                                                  Pieces of Pear
                                                                  oil, 6"x6", canvas panel
                                                                  100.00

Thirty Paintings-Day 9

Today I harvested a few little eggplants from the garden.  I love their color.  I used a small painting knife.  That's all I got today.  Small painting and even less in word.  Thank you for checking my blog out.

                                                                        Eggplant
                                                                        oil, 6"x6" canvas board
                                                                         100.00

Thirty Paintings-Day 8

Today I started to reorganize my studio because of some of the things that have cropped up since starting the challenge but had to stop and get ready to leave to attend a new session of a grief support group.  I have been to spouse loss support, three six week sessions offered by Home&Hospice of Rhode Island over the past year and also I see a grief counselor from the same agency weekly.  The new group is for those who are at one year and beyond of the loss.  I just hit the year.  This agency cared for my husband here at home then inpatient at the end.  When Richard died I  received support immeasurable through this agency.  Teaching me about grief and mourning,  to feel and get the pain out but rest when I could no longer work through it.  It has been a long road since Richard began in-home hospice care.  All this to say I was not sure if I would get to painting as I still needed to make my dinner after the meeting, make a book purchase that had been recommended to me, Man's Search For Meaning, then finally sit and eat and relax some.

But then I walked into my upside down studio, found an image of my Maggie I wanted to paint and began to dig in.  Music playing, and she started to appear on the canvas, I was present and the pain had subsided for the moment.  This image was from a few days after Richard's death.  I had taken Maggie and went to the ocean and just sat for hours.  Maggie was just looking out at the water and the sun was getting ready to set but was still bright.  Maggie was with me on the unit for eight days while Richard was dying and ultimately woke me very early,  between 4 and 5 AM to let me know he had died.  I did not know what she was trying to tell me.  I pulled her up on the little chair/bed I was sleeping on and tried to go back to sleep never thinking Richard was gone.  All I thought was I would have allergy eyes in the morning because she was near my face.  My brain was not functioning or it went right into denial because she never wakes me, never.  Shortly thereafter the nurse came in, checked on Richard, and took my hand to tell me he was gone.  When I got my wits about me I told her what Maggie did and she wanted Maggie's time as she believed Maggie was awakened with Richard's passing.  Still emotional to write about or even think about but I must do both.

So you see this little dog is very precious to me...and I am fully aware that she is twelve years old.  She is a very real connection to Richard on so many levels.  She was our dog with loyalty to us both.  She is somewhat more somber since his death and I realized our house had never been empty thus when I went out to do an errand in the beginning she was alone now and did not like it.  I would come home to her howling pitifully.  There use to be my husband, a teen ager who grew up and left, another beagle who passed away a couple of years ago, and my cat who died a year and a half ago from cancer.  So Maggie and I have suffered these losses together.  We have just adopted a five month old tabby kitten a month ago hoping to help Maggie's loneliness in general.  More about her later.

                                                                     Maggie
                                                                     9"x12", oil on stretched canvas

ThirtyPaintings-Day 7

Someone asked if we could draw and the answer was yes as the point was to be in the studio and making something daily. 

I was invited to a two camp two weeks ago that was for children who have suffered loss in their young lives.  I had a specific task that I was asked to head.  With that I was tagged as 'the art lady' to guide the children in a banner making project.  I was able to bring my twelve year old beagle, Maggie.  The children and adults loved her and made her very welcome.  On the last day a little girl came up to me and asked if she could give Mag a cheese nip.  I said yes and how nice of her to want to share.   Then one cheese nip led to another...they were serious now as the little girl and Maggie were now face to face and I melted,  gave in, and said share on.  Maggie has not had a salty snack shared since Richard was no longer able to eat them himself and of course was no longer able to share with Maggie.  She has last ten pounds since his death.  I took photos with permission of her grandparent but this one exemplifies the sharing nature between the two.  L was feeding food and love to Maggie and Maggie was returning that love and attention to L. 

The gestural movement of this image is something I think I may paint but wanted to do a drawing to see what I caught.  Today has been a busy day so I chose to draw.  I can do fussy literal drawings that can take hours and days. But for my purpose for both the challenge and the planned painting later I was looking for the gestural qualities and a simple drawing.

                                                              Sharing With a Friend...
                                                                charcoal on paper, 11"x14"

Thirty Paintings-Day 6

This little painting was an impromptu deal.  I tend to take the left over paint on my palette and mix it up in luscious piles of greys to cover with plastic wrap and save for the next painting session.  Other times I play around and see what I can come up with by using what is on my palette to make a painting as was the case with this pear.  I pretty much used the palette knife and what was there for paint.  That's the rule, can't squeeze out anymore paint.  I can only use what is there already.  Sometimes I do them from out of my head and other times as in this case, the pear was sitting there from the other day.  Pretty ordinary.

The last two days made for difficult painting as the heat and humidity here were both unbearable.  In the ninety's, both measurements.   My in house thermostat read at 85 degrees.  I do not have air conditioning.  I do not respond well to this weather and find it even hard to think or do anything.    Everything seems accentuated thus I was miserable.  But I did paint,  did some much needed computer housecleaning, and grieved hard today...but made it through.

Thanks for reading!

                                                                       Pear
                                                                   oil, 6"x6"
                                                               canvas panel